Resurgent
by Nalurah
Summary: On the 479th day after Tris' death, Four gets a note: Four, Meet me at the place where we climbed to victory at midnight tomorrow. Bring C. - Six. Was everything not as it seems? Takes place after Allegiant. Rated M for future smut. FourTris
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome all to my newest story and first for the Divergent fandom.**

 **Constructive criticism is always welcome.**

 **Beta: The most wonderful and lovely CloakSeeker (seriously, check out her work, she is amazing!)**

 **Hope you all enjoy it!**

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"Tobias!"

Her scream cuts through me like a knife. I run to her, hoping beyond hope that this time I won't be too late.

I always am.

The explosion starts underneath her. The blast sending me flying away from her into a pile of rubble. When I get back to my feet, still dazed and with ringing ears, I see a crater where she was standing. She's gone. I was too late. I always am.

I sink down to my knees at the edge of the small crater, my hand grasping at the dirt hoping I might find her buried but alive.

A hand on my shoulder drags me out of my desperation. "I think that's enough." It's not her voice. Not the one I was hoping to hear. I nod numbly and get to my feet. I take a few breaths to steady myself and slowly my heart rate goes down. The simulation around us dissolves and we're back in the fear landscape room.

I look to my left to see Christina standing there, her hand still on my shoulder, looking a bit shaken. She gives me a feeble smile. "Let's go grab some dinner, Four. The cafeteria will close soon."

"Yeah." I help her unhook from the computer. She had been observing my fear landscape. It has become our monthly ritual to see Tris one more time. It used to be weekly but it was destroying us both. It's been 479 days since her death, still the ache and the emptiness are no less than the moment they told me she died.

We had to split up that day, we had to save the city. We failed and succeeded at the same time. Though I came out unharmed whereas there was nothing left of her. She went into the weapons lab, taking her brother's place, and tried to stop the memory serum from being used on the city again. She succeeded partly but when the Bureau realized what she was doing, they blew up the lab including her.

We should have known that the Bureau would never be foolish enough to store all of their best weapon in one place. The majority got destroyed but still a fair share was used on the city. They couldn't do a full wipe, they didn't have enough for that. The more you wish to erase, the more serum you need. So they only wiped the events that led to all the unrest in the city. Everything went back to the way it was with the factions and the factionless. Well not everything, they never knew we took the antidote. It's the only reason why they left us be. They thought they had erased our memories too. We are the lucky, or unlucky for a matter of perspective, few who know everything. Just me, Christina, George, Amar, Zeke, Shauna, Zeke's mother, my mother and Christina's family.

We few are the only ones who know about the Bureau now, the ones who feel watched constantly. The ones who know where almost every camera in the city is. We are the silent and subdued rebels, biding our time until we find a way to destroy the Bureau. If we ever can.

Christina and I make our way to the cafeteria and I fill my plate with some potatoes, sausages and some broccoli. I skip the Dauntless cake, I always skip the Dauntless cake. I haven't enjoyed it much since she's no longer here. I knew how much she loved it, she would probably scold me for skipping out on the good things because of her. I can't get myself to eat it anymore.

We join Zeke and Shauna at our regular table. Christina rambles to them about the new initiates that will arrive in a few weeks. A Candor habit she has never quite gotten rid of. I eat my dinner in silence, not wanting to think much about initiates as it reminds me too much of her. The day we first met, her determined look as I helped her out of the net. A fire so bright hidden behind a grey veil that only truly started blazing when she became Dauntless. She blazed with such beauty, such passion, who could resist her?

After finishing my plate I excuse myself to my friends, an old Abnegation habit of politeness, and make my way to my apartment. I wander the halls numbly, ignoring everyone I pass. The persona I created as Four a long time ago helps keep people at distance which I'm grateful for. They smile nod courteously but only because I'm a leader and still somewhat of a legend with only four fears. Four fears, they are still the same number but have changed drastically. Marcus is no longer there, she is. She always is. She is always in pain, dying, dead. An unrealistic fear almost, she's gone after all, but that fear seems to never leave me.

When I open the door I hear a strange, rustling sound. I look down to see a crumpled up piece of paper stuck underneath the door. I bend down to pick it up and quickly unfold it, closing the door behind me with a soft kick.

 _Four,_

 _Meet me at the place where we climbed to victory at midnight tomorrow. Bring C._

 _\- Six_

I stare at the piece of paper. "This isn't real." Of course it isn't. It must be a trap. She's gone, she's dead. Someone is trying to trick me. Who?

I storm out of my apartment again, the note crumpled in my fast. I run down the dark corridor to a door at the far end of it. I bang on it, nearly breaking down the door. "Christina, open the door!"

"Well at least you knocked." A voice comes from behind me. I whip around to see Christina who clearly only just returned from the cafeteria. She raises an eyebrow at me. "What's going on, Four?"

I shake my head, not wanting to talk about it here, with all the cameras. She catches my hint and quickly opens the door to let me in. She steps in as well and closes the door behind her before flicking on the light. "What happened?"

In reply I hand her the crumpled note. She unfolds it and reads it quickly. "It's a trap." She states bluntly. "It must be." I nod. "So what are you going to do about it?"

"Go there, armed to the teeth and see who used her nickname like that and how they even know that was her nickname." I had told Christina about this some time ago when we were sharing memories about her during one of our sad and lonely drinking nights. We drink and reminisce about the ones we loved and lost, the list is so long. We had grown to be good friends through our shared pain and support each other with the continual presence of grief.

"Fun." She grimaces. "I will join you." I raise my eyebrow at her. "Hey! I'm invited to this party too! Who else do you think C. is?"

"It's dangerous." I tell her, giving her my best Four stare.

"I'm Dauntless." Sadly, she's not nearly as afraid of my Four stare as she used to be. I think she got that from Tris, who was never afraid of it either.

I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. "Fine but you obey my every command. Understood?"

She rolls her eyes at me. "Understood."

That night we discuss what we need for tomorrow night. We decide to bring Zeke as well who will be our backup but remain out of sight. After an hour more of going over possible scenarios, most involving the Bureau, we part for the night and I head back to my own apartment.

The following evening Zeke, Christina and I meet up at the train platform. The night is cold, there´s a wind that chills you to the bone. The three of us ride the train in determined silence. When we reach the navy pier we jump off. Zeke immediately disappears into the darkness. He will remain unseen and help us only when necessary.

I have the unnerving feeling of being watched and glance at Christina who also looks unsettled. "On your guard." She nods and holds her gun a little tighter.

Slowly we make our way to the Ferris Wheel, the place where Tris and I climbed to victory. When we get closer I see a figure leaning against one of the main support pillars of the wheel, half hidden behind it. I nudge Christina and point out the figure.

The figure notices us too and steps out from behind the pillar and walks a few feet towards us, clearly holding a gun though still hidden in the shadow of the wheel.

The figure lifts the gun and aims at us. Christina and I imitate the gesture, creating a stand of. "What do you want?" I growl, glaring at the hidden figure.

"Tobias."

The whisper is almost inaudible and definitely female. Not just that, it sounds familiar, it sounds like her.

The figure steps out of the shadow, the moonlight now illuminating her features. She is wearing Abnegation clothes. Her hair looks like it used to be in a bun but someone pulled it. Her cheek is blue and purple from a recent bruise. But her eyes, they are still the same orbs filled with fire. There is something else there too though, anger it seems and fear. It's unmistakable. It's her. It's Tris.

"How?" I hear Christina utter in astonishment.

Then I realize it, it can't be her. She's dead. I know she is. "What kind of cruel joke is this?" This has to be a trick, people don't just return, no matter how much you want them to. She has to be fake. "You aren't real." I snarl at her, aiming my gun at her head.

She just shakes her head.

"Prove it!" She raises an eyebrow at me, challenging me like she used to do. I quickly decide to ask her a question only she would know. "What would be the only reason I would go to Tris' funeral if Peter would have killed her?" I realize then that I never actually had a funeral for her, there was no body to bury.

I see the corners of her mouth twitch. "You would only go if there's cake." Her voice is soft and hoarse but it's hers.

Her reply stuns me, she's right. I didn't expect her to be right. Only she knows the answer to that question. Confusion threatens to take a hold of me. "Tris?" I ask hesitantly, lowering my gun.

I notice that Christina did the same. I take an uncertain step towards Tris, not trusting the reality of it all.

"Stay there!" Tris yells, a power in her voice that masks her fear very well but I can still detect it. She's frightened. Is she afraid of me?

I freeze, suddenly realizing she still has her gun pointed at me.

She moves her gun from me to Christina. "What was your theory about me during initiation?" Christina is taken aback by the question and the gun pointing at her and stays quiet. "Tell me!" Tris yells, her voice cracking. The moonlight reflects the tears in her eyes that are threatening to spill. The question of what happened is plaguing me. I want to hold her, stop the tears and soothe her. I want to protect her.

"Uhm... That you have a death wish because you kept going against Eric and Four." Christina replies hesitantly, wary of the gun pointed at her.

Tris nods and shifts her gun back to me. Her voice is starting to sound more like a whisper. "What did you say to me in the bathroom of your old Abnegation house?"

How could I forget? I thought I had lost her. I thought she would break after everything that had happened. Before that she was almost killed by Erudite, with Peter of all people managing to save the day. But she was so hurt, so frail. She looked like she would break and I believe she almost did in the bathroom when she finally started to comprehend what had happened. It was in that moment that I realized I always wanted to be with her. To make her laugh and comfort her in her pain.

I smile at her. She looks so different now. Her hair is longer and she looks both stronger and more frail at the same time. "I told you I'd be your family now."

I watch as she slowly lowers her gun, a look of utter shock on her face. "You're real." She whispers as the gun clatters to the floor.

I slowly walk towards her, careful not to startle her. Whatever happened to her must have frightened her terribly . I want to rage at whoever did this to her. I desperately want to know what happened. But I need all my willpower and sanity to convince myself that this is real. That she is real.

"May I?" I ask, indicating her hand. She nods. I carefully take her hands and envelope them in mine. "See? I'm real. We're both real."

Christina has silently joined us. She gently places a hand on Tris' lower arm. Tris flinches which makes me glance down at her arms. I see something that makes me fill with rage. I see the unmistakable signs of belt marks.

"Marcus." I hiss.

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 **Don't forget, constructive criticism (and frustrations over a cliffhanger) are welcome!**


	2. Chapter 2

**So I was planning on updating once a week but because of the absolutely lovely and a little overwhelming amount of reviews and general support I got I decided to give you this chapter a little earlier. I will be updating every Sunday from now on.**

 **Hope you guys enjoy the chapter! As always feedback is welcome!**

 **Beta: CloakSeeker (Honestly, she's amazing!)**

 **Chapter 2**

Anger burns inside like an all-consuming fire, I need to know what happened. I see from the corner of my eyes Christina shying back from my anger. Tris doesn't, she was never afraid of my anger. She looks me straight my eyes, her tears are gone. She slowly shakes her head. "Don't. Not here, not now. I promise I will tell you everything, just not now." She releases one of her hands from my enveloping hands and places it on my cheek. "Tobias." She whispers gently. "Please take me home, take me to Dauntless."

With that request she pulls me out of my anger like only she truly can. I notice her unsteady knees and realize that she isn't just frightened, she's exhausted. In one swift motion I pick her up, one arm under her knees and one around her shoulders. "Tobias!" She starts protesting.

"No." I reply sternly. "I don't know what happened Tris, and I am desperate to find out. I will respect your wishes and be patient. But I'm not blind. You can barely stand on your feet." She looks up at me in astonishment. "I just got you back, Tris. No way in hell am I going to let you go." I can't mask the crack in my voice.

She nods in reply. "Okay." She says, she sounds defeated but not disappointed. At least she is not fighting me over this small thing, she probably would if she had the power right now.

I nod to Christina. "Signal Zeke, I want to get to Dauntless as soon as possible." She jumps up, still obviously dazed by what happened. She walks over to Tris and grab her hand gently. "I don't even know how to tell you how happy I am to see you again." Christina's eyes which are usually so tough are filling with tears. She gives Tris' hand a quick squeeze before running towards the alley where Zeke is hiding.

I make my way back to the tracks quickly, walking at a steady pace. I don't run, I noticed that every jolt makes Tris flinch. She must have a lot of hidden cuts and bruises. I feel the anger rising within me again but ignore it, focusing on getting Tris home. She needs to get back to where she belongs, she needs to get back to Dauntless.

Christina and Zeke approach us at a run and quickly catch up to us. It's the first time since I met him that Zeke is stunned into silence. Christina however points out a problem I hadn't quit thought of. "How are you going to jump on the train carrying Tris?"

"I can jump myself, I did it on the way here." Tris interjects.

"I don't think so!" I growl, pulling her closer to me. I instantly regret it as she audibly gasps in pain. I loosen my grip on her again.

"Four, even you can't jump on the train while carrying a person. You might drop her." Zeke seems to have found his voice again and gives me the only argument that actually works. I could hurt her.

I glare at all three of them before giving in, we're almost at the track and the train will be here soon. "Fine." I say, glaring down at Tris. "But you're staying next to me so I can help you."

The corners of her mouth twitch into a small smile. "Of course." She replies simply before I let her down, holding her for a second longer to steady her. She places a hand on my arm. "I'll be fine, I've done this often enough."

All four of us start running beside the track as the train approaches. When the train races by I yell "three!" to indicate the third compartment and jump. I grab one of the handles and offer my hand to the others -mainly Tris- to help them on.

Tris is the first to jump on after me. I see her flinch and hunch over a little after she safely lands in the train. Zeke immediately boards after her, followed closely by Christina. I climb in the train as well and walk over to Tris. She is leaning against the side of the train, panting and looking very pale. "Come Tris, sit down. We won't be at Dauntless for another half an hour."

She nods and slumps to the floor. I quickly sit down beside her and place an arm around her. Christina sits down on her other side and Zeke right cross from us. All of us are silent, listening to the rattle of the train and watching the city flash by. I feel surreal, like I traveled through time. Reality seems something illusive all of a sudden.

Zeke breaks the silence after a few minutes. "How are we going to smuggle her into Dauntless?"

Tris looks up confused. "What do you mean? I'm Dauntless. It's my home!"

Christina sighs. "They don't remember you." I see her give Tris a look that I can only describe as pitying.

"Oh." Tris says and hugs her knees to her chest. "Them too." It sounds like she's crossing them off a list.

"Them too?" I ask, wondering what she meant by that.

She shakes her head in reply and I see her glance at the security camera in the corner of the wagon.

I nod, forcing myself to be patient and instead focus on the problem at hand. "Zeke, you go to the control room and keep an eye on the cameras. We need to make sure that our arrival goes unnoticed. Christina, you go to my apartment and get Tris' old black dress that she bought during initiation. It's in my closet in my bedroom." They both nod. If either found it weird that I had still saved her clothes they fortunately don't comment on it. "Bring the dress back to the platform where Tris and I will be waiting. We'll stay out of sight of the cameras. When she's wearing that dress and shows her tattoos she looks Dauntless. We'll have to trust in the size of the faction that people won't be troubled by not recognizing her." I look down at Tris who still looks pale and exhausted. "Are you ok with all this?"

Tris lets out a soft chuckle, almost as if she found some weird irony. "Of course I am!"

I nod and all four of us sit back in silence again. I observe Tris from the corners of my eyes, not wanting to stare at her too blatantly. She's watching the city fly by, her knees still hugged to her chest. I see her lips move occasionally as if she's whispering something to herself.

After another fifteen minutes of traveling we reach Dauntless and jump off the train at a spot that is hidden from camera view. With Zeke's and my own experience in the control room and our paranoia after the Bureau's memory wipe we know a lot of these blind spots.

Tris and I hide in an alley near the entrance, not wanting any Dauntless walking out to spot us. Zeke and Christina quickly head inside to fulfill their part of the plan.

Tris beside me is staring at the Dauntless entrance with nervous anticipation, all traces of exhaustion slowly melting away. I put a hand on her lower back and whisper to not alert any guards. "Almost home."

She jumps, started from the sudden contact. She gives me a bewildered look, her pupils dilated. "What did you say?" She asks, an undertone of fear obviously present.

I'm a little taken aback by her sudden reaction but answer calmly nonetheless. "I said we're almost home."

She shakes her head wearily. "Not now, I mean back then, in the bathroom."

It takes me a moment to realize what she means by 'in the bathroom'. "I already told you this." I tell her a little confused, wondering why she's asking this again.

"Tobias please." She pleads with me, holding my right hand in both of hers. "Please tell me again." It's strange, she seems so desperate to hear my reply.

I cup her cheek with my left hand, gazing into her eyes. Relishing the familiar blue/grey that stare back at me. "I told you I'd be your family now."

She nods and whisper "real" before hugging me, or rather clinging to me.

I hold her tightly while the peculiar exchange sparks theories of what happened within me.

After a minute we hear footsteps approaching. I peek around the corner, hiding Tris behind me and sigh in relief when I see it's Christina approaching. She rounds the corner and pulls the dress from underneath her vest. "Here's your dress." She says as she hands Tris the dress.

I glance at the simple, black dress as Tris takes it from Christina. I used to take it out of the closet and put it on my bed. I would sit next to it and talk as if I were talking to Tris, believing that her dress here would make me feel closer to her.

Tris lays the dress down at her feet and takes off her grey vest covering her grey dress. I stare in horror as more of her arms are revealed to be covered in cuts, burns and scars. "Tris!" I start but she shakes her head. I nod. Later. She will tell me later. Christina has a stunned expression on her face, for once her horror quieted her Candor tongue.

When Tris takes off her dress as well and stands in nothing but her underwear I have to turn around so I won't lose control in my anger. Her body isn't just riddled in cuts, bruises and burns but also something that suspiciously looks like the results of surgery; stitches and long, straight scars.

Christina helps Tris into the dress which is a little tighter on her than it used to be, she has grown in the time we were apart. The Abnegation clothes we hide in a dumpster nearby that is never used or emptied, it's one of the old remnants of the past.

"How do I look?" Tris asks as she stands in front of me in her old dress.

Different I want to say. She definitely looks different. She still has those fierce eyes, burning with passion but now hiding a pain I can't begin to imagine. She looks beaten yet powerful, more muscular. It seems like she has been working out but that doesn't make sense with all my theories of her being tortured. One thing is sure though, she looks brave. Or better yet, she is brave. "You look Dauntless." I smile at her and she returns my smile beaming. "Ready?" I ask as I offer her my hand.

She takes it and nods. The three of us walk casually towards the entrance of the compound. I nod towards the guard who nods back at me. He doesn't stop me to ask about the unfamiliar girl. Being a leader has its perks, he wouldn't dare stop and question me. I put on my most stoic Four mask, scowling into the distance.

We manage to make our way through the compound and up to the leader apartments without being stopped. I saw Amar looking at us from across the Pit and I got a feeling he may have recognized her or knows something is up but he stayed put. Once inside my apartment with the door safely locked behind us all three of us let out a sigh of relief.

I see Tris looking around curiously. She expected to go to my old apartment probably, not one of the leader apartments. To be honest I only moved here because my old apartment was full of the memories of her. The pain they caused was unbearable. I pretended to want a bigger apartment as leaders are entitled to get so I did.

I put my arm around Tris' waist, careful not to startle her this time, and guide her to the sofa in the middle of the living room. "Sit down, I'll grab us something to drink." I go to the kitchen and wonder what I should make. Whenever my mother wanted to have a serious conversation she would always make tea. Whatever Tris has to tell us is bound to be serious so tea seems like the best choice.

After a few minutes I return to the living room with three steaming mugs. Tris is still sitting on the couch and Christina is sitting in the loveseat across from her. I put the mugs on the coffee table and take a seat next to Tris.

I gently pick up her left hand and envelope it in both of mine. "Ready?"

Tris nods and takes a deep breath and pulls her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. This is it. Time for the truth.

"Well I didn't die." She starts. "But things did go wrong in the weapons lab. I realized while we were being ambushed by the Bureau staff that it was wrong. Everything was wrong. Caleb delivered me to my death in Erudite but by letting him make the sacrifice I wasn't any better than him."

"We gave him a choice." I say, the old hurt that she would take his place still lingering inside me.

"No, we didn't. You and I both know that he couldn't say no." Tris replies slightly exasperated. "But we don't need to have that argument now, long story short I went into the lab. My body was able to fight the gas that was supposed to kill me but David was there waiting for me. He shot me."

"He what?!" I jump up in anger.

"Sit down!" Christina snaps, not wanting to stop Tris' story.

"Tobias" I feel a small hand take a hold of mine. "Please don't." I look down at her and see tears threatening to spill over from her eyes. "I need to tell you so much more, far worse things even. I need you to stay calm and listen." She gently pulls me back down on the couch and squeezes my hand. "Please?"

I realize that she is fighting yet another battle, having to relive it all and tell us. I wrap my arms around her gently and hug her. "I'm sorry." I whisper into her hair.

Tris sighs and leans into the embrace before continuing her tale. "The rest was a scene created by the Bureau. Before David shot me enough times to incapacitate me I destroyed the supply of memory serum there. From what I found out afterwards the Bureau feared items in the weapons lab getting in the wrong hands so they blew it up. Only they did so after first taking me and David out of the lab. They let it seem like I died because I had such a strong role in changing the city and they knew it would probably stop you guys."

Stop us. That's an understatement. It destroyed me. It destroyed all of us.

Christina nods. "They were right. For the longest time I couldn't begin to imagine you not being there anymore. You were always so strong, you seemed to survive everything. Suddenly you were gone, all was lost. We fled the Bureau when we heard what had happened, back into the city. But there was no help to be found there, no one remembered what happened. We had no choice but to go back to Dauntless and blend in, bide our time.

"Yeah I guess the reason why you guys didn't come and rescue me is because you thought I was dead. Right?" There is a strange pain in her voice. Like she had been clinging on to a hope she was slowly losing.

I hug her tightly. "I'm so sorry."

"So then what happened?" Christina interrupts. "At the Bureau I mean, what did they do?"

I feel Tris shudder in my arms. "Experiments." She whispers, barely audible.

"What kind-" Christina starts but Tris violently shakes her head, her eyes shut tightly. Christina quickly changes tactics. "How did you escape?"

Tris stops shaking her head and slowly opens her eyes. The corners of her mouth twitching slightly. "They made a mistake." Christina and I both raise an eyebrow at her but don't dare interrupt. "After they were done with their experiments they wanted to place me back in the city because of my genes. They worked on the memory serum for months until they thought they had a strong enough version that would work on me. They thought it worked on me, but it didn't. I pretended it did and so they placed me in Abnegation. I got a house to live in together with Caleb."

"Caleb?!" I yell, my old hatred for him and all he did to Tris rekindling. "How did he get involved again?" To be honest we didn't pay much attention to him after we got back to the city. We resented him for what had happened. He must have felt lonely within the city, his memory still intact but no one to share it with. At least we all had each other. He must have gone back to the Bureau. Even if he did feel lonely, he's still a coward. I feel the rage within me building again and take a few deep breathes to calm myself. I can't keep interrupting Tris.

Tris nods. "Yes Caleb. He look after me when the reintegrated me into the city. He was my caretaker. I don't know why but he seemed different. But Marcus, he was the same and he was in charge of discipline. I was never really a good fit at Abnegation." She looks up at me and places her small hand on my cheek. "The moment I had the opportunity I started looking for you. I needed to know where you were, if you were real."

I frown at that. "If I was real?"

She traces the lines of my face with her fingertips. I close my eyes and enjoy that wonderful sensation of having her near me again, of having her touch me. "If you weren't yet another simulation." Her voice breaks but she looks determined, capturing my gaze. "But you're real, I know you are."

I cover Tris' hand which returned from tracing the features of my face and was resting on my cheek with my own. "Yeah, I'm real."

Christina coughs to let us know that she's still there. "So about time for me to go I think?" She gets up and helps Tris to her feet before gently hugging her. "I still can't believe we have you back."

Tris hugs her and I hear her whisper: "I missed you, Christina."

When the girls part I see Christina having tears in her eyes. She looks at me. "See you tomorrow, Four." She says before heading for the door.

"See you tomorrow, Christina." I say, letting her out of the apartment and locking the door behind her.

I turn back to the living room to see Tris sitting back on the couch. I sit next to her at a loss for words. I suddenly feel awkward, not sure what to do with myself or with her. I want to hold her, protect her. I want things to go back to how they were. But does she?

It seems I'm not alone in my uncertainty. "So," She starts hesitantly. "What is going to happen to us?"

 **Yes I know I am evil. See you all next week!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Welcome back all!  
So due to a hangover (cocktail/karaoke party, just don't ask... XD) I kinda forgot that yesterday was Sunday/update day. So here I am, bright and early on Monday morning with a fresh update for you lovely people. Enjoy!**

 **Beta is still the ever lovely (and incredibly patient!) Cloakseeker! (really love her, she is amazing!)**

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 **Chapter 3**

 **Tris' POV**

It's strange how your world can be turned upside down in a matter of hours. After the incident at the weapons lab, I always refer to it as an incident because that's easier than saying my almost death, my world turned into a waking nightmare. It often made me wonder whether or not death would have been better, I got so close to it so many times already.

Death seemed such an easy relief, such a wonderful escape. I tried, I tried so many times. When I was in a simulation I would throw myself in front of the guns aimed at my simulated loved ones. Wanting the bullet to pierce me, make that ultimate sacrifice and fly free away from there. It never happened. I was trapped in the nightmare, felt the pain of fighting every day, of surgeries, of mental games. The world became a blur, reality something questionable. The only thing that could help me tell time was passing was my own body. I could feel myself growing stronger, the constant fighting made me more muscular, kept my body alert.

My body became my clock and as the world was a lie it became my only truth. It was my game to cling on to my sanity. Discover the truth, unravel the lies. I would spend time thinking of questions only the ones I loved would know. I would make sure never to give the answer in any of the hallucinations even though they tried to get me to tell them often enough. It was easiest for me with my parents. I had seen them die, I knew they were gone. The grief still occupying a hole in my heart. Whenever I saw them it tore me apart but I knew they were fake, all the love they showed in the simulations wasn't real. I just so wish it was, to be able to hold them and talk to them one more time.

It was hardest with Tobias. My body and soul all screamed for it to be real, for him to be with me. I had to cling on to a moment of just me and him, a moment that meant so much to me. His question, the one to identify him as real, was of that moment. I needed him to be real. Wanted him so badly to be real. He never was.

Now that he's here, I find myself doubting everything. I have spend so much time fighting and finding reality that I'm unsure of it now. Tobias sits next to me and turns towards me. I need to stop myself from flinching. I'm too used to people coming close to inflict pain that my automatic defense is to keep distance. But not him, not Tobias, I can't be afraid of him, he's not a simulation. But I need to know what he really is. What we are. What we will be.

"So," I start, not sure how to ask the thing I want to ask. "What is going to happen to us?" I wish we could forget it all and pick up where we left off but it seems almost impossible to ask.

He slowly lifts his hand and brushes a strand of hair out of my face before gently lifting my chin like he used to. "I love you, Tris. I can hardly believe that I have you with me again, I have felt empty and incomplete without you. I don't know what will happen to us but one thing I know for sure, I never want to let you go again."

"Tobias" I feel the tears gather in my eyes as I brush his hand aside and launch myself forward into his arms and we hold each other. We cling to each other as if we were drawn together, two pieces of a whole not meant to be apart. Finally we are together again, no fear, no hesitation, it's just us.

And I know, as I have always known, that this is what I want, just us. He is my family, he is my home. I'm home again. I'm safe again.

At last.

It feels like I can finally let go of that breath I had been holding for over a year. For just a moment I don't have to brace myself. Don't have to be on my guard. In this moment I am done fighting, done hurting. Sadly though the last one isn't quite true, my body is violently protesting every touch and movement. Every bruise, cut and scar screaming for attention. The numbness to the pain that my body created while being on alert slowly fading. I try to ignore it for as long as I can, not wanting to pull myself out of the moment.

"Tobias?" I mumble, finally giving in to the pain. Tobias gives me a concerned look, the pain must be very visible on my face. "I think I need to lie down for a bit." I try to act casual but I can see he isn't fooled.

He picks me up carefully which still makes me flinch and carries me to the bedroom. He lies me down on the bed and takes my shoes off for me before covering me up with a blanket. "Rest" he says softly, looking down at me with a softness in his eyes I know he only has for me.

"Tobias?" I say right before he leaves the room. He stops and turns to look at me but remains silent. "I love you too." I mumble. Through my slowly closing lids I see him smile brightly. Right before I fade into unconsciousness I feel his lips gently brush against mine.

I wake up in a room I don't immediately recognize. For a moment I feel the familiar jolt of anxiety that I have gotten so used to throughout the past year whenever I was somewhere unfamiliar. I sit up straight and look around me. The room is fairly big, its light wallpaper makes a strong contrast with the dark furniture. Slowly it dawns on me that this is Tobias' bedroom. That I'm here, safe. I glance at the clock I see it's nearly 12. Though whether that's noon or midnight I don't know. 1

The doorbell pulls me out of my reverie. Vaguely I hear voices coming from downstairs. One of them I recognize as belonging to Tobias, the other I don't know. I silently get out of bed and tiptoe to the door that was left ajar. I open it a bit further and sneak a peek into the living room. I see Tobias sitting on the couch with a dark skinned older woman who looks vaguely familiar. Her hair is long and flowing on her back. I notice her bag standing next to the couch.

"When was the last of it do you think?" The woman asks Tobias.

He shrugs. "Could be as recent as yesterday. I only got a glimpse of the injuries yesterday evening. She is obviously in pain though."

The woman nods. "And her mental state?" She asks carefully.

I feel anger building inside me. I have fought so hard to keep my sanity throughout the year at the Bureau and my time in Abnegation. This woman, whoever she is, has no right to question it. I throw the door open with a bang and step into the hallway towards the living room. They both jump and look at me startled. "I haven't gone crazy if that's what you're wondering."

"Tris!" Tobias jumps up and instantly rushes over to me. He hugs me quickly before stepping back to look at me. His hands lingering on my upper arms, his thumbs drawing small circles on my skin. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." I say, more hostile than I intended. "Who's she?" I indicate the dark skinned woman who had also gotten to her feet but had remained next to the couch.

"Don't you recognize her?" Tobias asks curiously, taking my hands in his and guiding me to the woman. "This is Zeke's mother."

"Oh." It finally dawns on me, I had completely forgotten about her. I look down and bite my lower lip, mortified over my treatment of her. My parents would be ashamed of my behavior. "I'm sorry for my rudeness." I mumble.

Zeke's mother takes a few steps forward, closing the distance between the three of us. She puts her hand on mine and Tobias' joined hands and smiles at me. "I'm glad you're back Tris, and that you still have your old power. We're going to need that. I assume Four didn't tell you why I'm here?"

"She just woke up!" Tobias says defensively as I shake my head.

She just smiles. "I work in the infirmary here at Dauntless. I am here to see what medical care you might need after..." Her voice trails off.

She doesn't need to finish her sentence though, it's perfectly clear. She wants to know how damaged I am after the Bureau, Marcus, everything.

"I see." I don't want this, not again. I don't want more people, more strangers, performing tests. I won't let them use me, not anymore. "And what if I say no?" I let go of Tobias' hand and walk over to the couch where I sit down with a gasp of pain as my body is still protesting sudden movement.

"Tris, you're obviously in pain." Tobias starts as he takes a seat next to me. "Why won't you let her help you?"

I need to calm down, they aren't going to hurt me. They aren't here to research my divergence. She is Zeke and Uriah's mother, she doesn't want to hurt me. I think. But she doesn't know about him, neither of them do. There are so many things I need to tell them. I can't. I can't tell them everything. It would only hurt them. I must protect them. I must fight the fights, I must feel the pain so they won't have to. I am Dauntless. I am brave.

It is with this bravery that I push away the fears of what happened at the Bureau, or at least temporarily. I force myself to nod at Zeke and Uriah's mother. "What will you have me do, Mrs. Pedrad?"

She has taken the seat across from me and Tobias and smiles kindly at me. "First of all, call me Hana. Secondly I think it's best if you take off that dress and lie down on the table." She indicates the dining room table.

I get up and turn towards Tobias. "Mind helping me with the zipper?"

He nods and gets up too. I turn my back to him and pull my hair to the side. I notice how dirty my hair is, full of knots and filth. I suddenly become very aware of my general grimy state as the dress slides to the floor. I am no longer as self-conscious about my body as I used to be but my disheveled state makes me a little too aware of Tobias' eyes on me.

I glance at him and see him looking at me stunned an horrified. "That bad huh?" I try to laugh but fail miserably.

He steps forward and gently envelopes me in his arms. "No," he says. He's lying obviously. I am covered in scars, bruises and burns. "You still look beautiful." He whispers in my ear, stunning me with the sudden compliment.

I look up at him and give him a small smile before he lets me go and guides me to the table by putting a hand in the small of my back.

"Let's start with your back, please lie down and try to relax, Tris." Hana says as she retrieves her bag from its position next to the couch.

Tobias helps me onto the table and I lie down on my stomach. I bite my lip, fighting the memories of the past year and a half of lying on tables and being examined, cut open and hurt.

Hana starts cleaning the cuts on my back with something that smells horrid and stings badly. "How did you get these cuts?" She asks softly.

"Belt marks." I say between gritted teeth. "Marcus' way of disciplining me. He never thought me selfless enough."

Hana scoffs. "More selfless than him."

I ignore the remark and instead watch Tobias. His fists are clenched in his lap as he stares at the marks on my back. I let one of my hands slide off the table and cover one of his fists. I gently squeeze it, trying to calm him and help him and chase away the bad memories.

I see Tobias take a deep breath to steady himself and look at Hana. "Will she be able to go through with it?"

"Go through with what?" I ask a little confused, weary of what could be ahead of me.

Hana just nods at Tobias who then turns to look at me. "Go through with initiation."

* * *

 **On an interesting sidenote, the drunker I get the better I am at singing Celine Dion songs. Not sure if I should be happy with this talent.**

 **See you all next week!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: So I know I have been away for a while, sorry about that. To say things were bad was an understatement. Sadly they still are but I am trying to write a bit more in hopes of finding some distraction. I hope you like this next chapter.**

 **Tobias' POV  
**

'Initiation', I say and observe the slowly dawning horror in her eyes.

'What...' She stammers before she looks down at her hands. I see her lips moving in the same pattern again as if she's repeating something to herself. I lean in closer and finally hear, though barely audible 'find the flaw'.

'What flaw, hon- Tris.' I quickly catch myself as I'm not sure how she would react to endearments. I gently put my hand over hers.

Her head snaps up, instantly locking gazes with me. "What did you say to me?"

I freeze, again that question. My mind flashes back to the pain in her face as she said that one dreaded word 'simulations'. I get it now. I finally realize this is her safety line. She must have used questions to survive the simulations. I gently lift her up from the table and pull her into my arms. I feel her body tense and I whisper with all the love I have for her, an incredible amount, that I'll be her family now.

I feel the tension go out of her body. I hear her sigh the word 'real' before she clings onto me as a sob rakes her body.  
From over Tris' head I see Hana rummage in her bag before drawing out a bottle of pills. She softly puts the bottle down on the coffee table before whispering that she'll be back soon. I nod and she silently leaves the apartment.

I carry Tris to the couch and sit down with her on my lap. I rock her softly to my chest until her sobs slowly subside.

She places one small hand on my chest and absentmindedly starts drawing patterns on it with her finger as she stares into the distance. 'Do you know what it's like to constantly question everything around you?' She whispers. 'Having no idea whether what you see is the truth or something created by them.' I had no doubt who Tris was referring to, 'them' could only be the Bureau. 'If only it was as easy as the fear landscape.'

I look at her in astonishment, the fear landscape has always been the hardest thing here in Dauntless. I know you can train yourself in facing it, I used to keep trying myself. But not even I, the so called legendary Four, would ever call it easy.

As if she could read my mind she let out a bitter laugh. 'Don't you see, Tobias? The easy part of the fear landscape is that it ends. You can even make it end!' She lets out a derisive laugh before sobering up and looking almost somber. 'But what if you keep getting thrown back in? What if you are stuck in a simulation for weeks or months? How do you even know? You feel safe again only to realize that all that made you feel safe is an illusion. It crumbles down around and you are overwhelmed again by pain and fear but most of all uncertainty. Try being in a simulation for over a year and the only way to tell that time has past and you aren't stuck in time as well as a nightmare is your biological clock. So no, Tobias, the fear landscape doesn't scare me anymore. I have lived through worse. I think...' Her voice trails off in the ends.

'You think?' I ask, wondering if perhaps she feels she is wrong and is still scared but based on the horrors she just described it seems unlikely.

'Am I even still alive?' She asks softly, though the question seems directly more that herself than me. 'I know my heart is beating, I know I am breathing but I still feel so different. I just want to feel like myself again. No pain, no doubt, just me.'

I cup her cheek with one hand and gently lift it up so I can look into her eyes. 'Everything we are is made of what we have been. We can't simply forget the horrible parts because we don't like to remember them. They make us who we are. When I look at you I see the pain of what has happened but I also see the courageous and strong woman I fell in love with. I know you want to forget everything. I know better than you might think but that won't help you. I won't make the pain and fear go away. You are stronger now than you have ever been, despite how you may feel right now. Experience gives you strength, you must hold on to that.'

Tris remains silent for a while, our gazes still locked. Her hand moves to my cheek. 'Tobias', she whispers as tears silently travel down her cheek. Then to my utter amazement she leans in and kisses me. No chaste kiss either, she presses herself against me. I wrap my arms tightly around her and pull her as close as possible. I try to convey all my love for her and need of her in the kiss. And I know, I can feel it, that she is doing exactly the same.

Our bodies are ablaze not with passion but with a desperation to be with each other. Together we fight the hurt of being parted for so long, one of many hurts that has shaped into an invisible scar on both of us.

When we part I hug her to me. 'Welcome home' I whisper in her ear. She laughs and cries at the same time.

'Home.' She says as if tasting the words on her lips. 'I'm home.'

'Home is whenever I'm with you.' I say as this is the truest I have ever felt. She is my everything, she is my home.

She rests her head on my chest and for a while we are both silent. The rain outside and our breaths the only thing that can be heard in this normally loud complex. 'Tobias?' Tris breaks the silence.

'Yes Tris?' It feels so nice to say her name again now that that pang of loss is slowly fading.

'Why do I have to go through initiation?'

I sigh and mentally curse the Bureau for yet more pain and agony they are causing. 'Sadly we can't just tell everyone that you are Dauntless. People will ask questions. Sneaking you past the guard was doable but making you a full fledged member again you will have to go through initiation.'

Tris nods against my chest. 'I thought as much. I guess I will have to prepare. Will you be my instructor again?'

'Both Christina and I are instructors, I am training her this year to be an instructor so the two of us will take the transfers and Lauren will train the Dauntless born. Don't worry, we will help you every step along the way.' I hug her even closer to me.

She lifts her head and looks at me with a frown. 'But I can't take part in the Chosing Ceremony. So how am I to become an initiate?'

'We'll figure it out somehow, we still have a few weeks to work things out. Until then we need to focus on your recovery and preparation for initiation.' I kiss her nose gently. 'How about for starters we get you something to eat? I will give Christina a call to bring us some food from the cafetaria.'

She smiles at me and rests her head against my chest again. 'Food sounds good. I am a little hungry.'

'Food it is.' I dig in my pocket for my cellphone and quickly call Christina. After five rings she finally picks up. 'Hey Christina. Could you bring up some food for me and Tris? Doesn't matter what just bring us something good.'

'Yes boss!' I hear through the phone.

'Yeah yeah I am bossing you around again, just hurry please. We're starving here.' I smile and end the call.

'Still got a Candor tongue huh?' Tris asks while chuckling lightly.

'Yeah she hasn't changed a bit.' I smile at her and marvel again at the fact that she's here. It feels so strange, like I am dreaming. I was convinced she had died but I was wrong.

Tris looks up at me, her hand lifts up to caress your cheek. 'Neither have you.' She whispers with a soft croak in her voice. Gently she caresses the lines on my face. 'Well maybe a few lines here and there.'

I gently nip at her finger as she traces my lips. 'Are you saying I am getting old, Stiff?'

She smiles wearily. 'We have both been through too much. Judging from experience we're old.'

'No,' I shake my head and cuddle her to me. 'Judging from pain, anger, fear and suffering yes. But not judging from the good things. We still have so much more love to give, so much more life to enjoy. I got you back after I was convinced I lost you and I intend to enjoy every minute of having you with me. If you will let me, Tris, then I will stay by your side for the rest of my life.' I lift her chin so she looks me in the eye. 'We can make a new life for ourselves here at Dauntless. Together we can find happiness again. We will find happiness again.'

I see a glimmer of hope in her eyes but as quickly as it appears it fades again. 'But what about the Bureau?'

For a minute, for one blissful minute I had forgotten about them. I had been absorbed by my dream of a future with Tris, a future I thought was no longer possible. But now I understand, I- we can't have a future until we end it with the Bureau. 'Then we must find a way to do what I have wanted to do for a long time, take out the Bureau.'

She doesn't laugh at me like I thought she would. After all, how could we take on the Bureau. But Tris never backed down from a challenge, she took on Erudite after all. Her lips form into a bitter line. 'They deserve to be destroyed.' There it is, the old fire in her eyes. The passion that drove her to safe the city multiple times.

'Tris, I-' I get interrupted by someone knocking on the door.

Christina's voice can be heard very shrill on the other side of the door. 'Roomservice!'

Tris and I both stare at the door for a few seconds before chuckling and getting up from the couch. 'You open the door and I will set the table.' I watch as Tris heads to the door before I turn to the kitchen.

I hear the girls talk as I quickly grab some plates, cups and cutlery. I set it all on the table and Christina drops an enormous amount of food next to it. 'Didn't think you could carry so much, Chris.'

'Well if the boss orders it, and I know how much you eat. I wanted there to be at least a little bit left for me and Tris.' She retorts as she starts dividing the food over all the plates, leaving one thing hidden underneath a cloth.

'Oh I forgot how amazing Dauntless food is.' Tris sighs as she sniffs the air and quickly sits down.

'Well what are you waiting for then? Dig in!' Christina was always great at forgetting Abnegation codes of politeness to wait until everyone is seated before you start eating. She sits down next to Tris and instantly grabs a plate and starts eating.

I smile at Tris and sit down as well. 'Go ahead Tris, you must be starving.'

Tris starts off gingerly enough but soon is stuffing her face like she hasn't had proper food in a year. And then it hits me that she probably hasn't. It warms my heart to see her enjoy her food so much.

The three of us quickly clear our plates. Afterwards Christina reveals what she had hidden underneath the cloth, Dauntless cake. I swallow hard. She knows that I haven't eaten it since I lost Tris.

'Cake!' Tris almost squaels in excitement. 'I love Dauntless cake.' She quickly grabs a piece and digs in with a fork. She sighs as she takes the first bite. 'So good!'

I stare down at my own piece and hesitantly prick my fork in it. Hesitantly I lift my fork to my lips, concious of Christina watching me. I put the small piece of cake in my mouth. The taste is like a long forgotten memory, of a dear friendship that has been rekindled. I look up to see Tris enjoying her cake and for a moment she looks just like the time she first had Dauntless cake. I was watching her in the cafetaria as she was surrounded by her friends. She seemed happy, smiling with smudges of chocolate on and around her lips. I lick my lips, resisting the urge to kiss the chocolate of hers. I finish my cake and finally manage to enjoy my food again.

After dinner we sit down on the couch in a comfortable silence. After a while I break the silence and turn to Christina. 'I told Tris about the Initiation, once she has recovered from her injuries enough we can start training.'

'We can start training tomorrow.' Tris says determinendly.

'Not tomorrow, you need to recover, you're still weakened.'

'I am not weak, I am Dauntless!' There it is, that fire. Things will change for us, I know it.

 **I hope you guys liked this chapter! Don't forget to review if you have any constructive criticism.**


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